My rambles!

i should start writing here again.

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 00:11:30 -0500

because honestly, i just love writing more than anything else

also, my playlist needs mega updating.

Photo

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 20:08:36 -0400

Photo

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 15:10:31 -0400

Photo

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 05:55:55 -0400

bamboozle was the shit.

Sat, 19 May 2012 23:00:38 -0400

never danced so hard, never felt such abandon, never felt like i belonged like i did last night. the things that happened last night were things i thought i’d never have. it was just amazing enough: so awesome as to be memorable and a great time, but not so great that i couldn’t handle it. it was perfectly underwhelming.

yo skrill drop it hard

oddly enough, the AP exam gave me hope

Mon, 14 May 2012 18:54:20 -0400

it reminded me that i’m actually really good at physics, above-average so, and it’s you who’s the jackass :)

hgfshgfsklhsjl;adgsjglksdjglkesgl;j!!! gjfdkljglkjglk!!!

Sun, 13 May 2012 13:58:22 -0400

frustration. the almost-laughing kind.

this is for you

Sun, 13 May 2012 01:26:27 -0400

this is for you

i wanna tear its insides out, hollow the thing, slice it to pieces, destroy it, because only then would i love it.

Fri, 11 May 2012 16:10:43 -0400

i love you beautiful<3 also, 3 months until the big move! are you ready to live in the same state for the first time since we were babies?!?!?!?!

Thu, 10 May 2012 22:16:08 -0400

isn’t this poetic? we started our childhood together, and now we end it together. i can’t even wait; i lurve you more gorgeous <3

sleep. who needs it?

Wed, 09 May 2012 13:48:44 -0400

i don’t know why i do this to myself, except i legitimately don’t like to sleep. i hate letting the world stop when i have so much i want to experience. i’m scared to, also, in a weird way: i hate being so vulnerable like that. i’d rather talk to my friends and read and learn and run off of coffee and energy drinks than sleep. i don’t know if i’m psychologically unsound or just have my priorities straight.

i miss my best friends.

Mon, 07 May 2012 17:33:36 -0400

jack, shannon, caroline, graham. i love you guys. thank you for making the world at least a bit brighter <3

fuck yeah free periods!

Mon, 07 May 2012 13:26:37 -0400

getting out at 11:35 every fourth day? i could get used to this :)

essence.

Sat, 05 May 2012 23:53:01 -0400

loss of innocence: the knowledge that the world will never be as beautiful as she saw it. A synesthete; the colors, complexities, the intricacies of it all illuminated this world: it opened an eye of adoration that led to an unfettered love for what she saw around her. Small, delicate hands outline the heigtened sense of pain, of love - everything is literal, physical, tangible. she is separate, and yet deeply connected: she wants to be absorbed by the beauty only her own senses provide for her. she loves in strange ways. an adorned perception is her curse and blessing; she sees everything as beautiful except herself. She wishes it would all be really as divine as she saw it, and I wish that you would love me the way I love you.

click me

Sat, 05 May 2012 10:18:00 -0400

click me:

everything becomes clear. thanks reddit <3

can i have this prompt on the real SAT? pretty please?

Wed, 02 May 2012 18:21:25 -0400

the prompt (in short): is experiencing adversity in life the only way we can come to reflect on ourselves as a person and grow?

The individual taking this test right now was born into a well-off, upper-middle class white family, into a home free of abuse, financial troubles, or illness. She grew up free from any abnormally traumatic experiences, and will likely live out the remainder of her life at home in a very ordinary, non-adversity-ridden life. Yet, I can tell you that she is also one of the most introspective people you’ll ever meet, and she has grown monumentally; I’d daresay even more than those around her. It is, in some ways, her lifelong liberty from suffering that has made her this mature.

I truly do believe that I was born this way – a reflective person, always searching for answers about herself and her experiences and why they even mattered so much. The things in my life that have meant the most to me (they may mean nothing at all in the long run, a thought that frightens me very much, but to me, right now, they are everything) I will analyze, scrutinize, peer at them as though through a microscope, and always in the most objective manner that I can manage. The reason for this, I believe, is because of my own knowledge that my life has lacked so much “true” adversity. I feel these things so strongly, and yet I have no reason to be so moved, and therefore I must reflect upon who I am to justify my own sadnesses. Because my life has been free of the stereotypical hardships such as poverty or loss of an immediate family member, I try my hardest to make the little experiences, those that mattered to me and me alone, the ones that count, and the ones that make me unique. All I ever wanted was to stand out and really be a unique person, and while my sometimes crippling humility (another quality I believe I was born with – intense humility) is only added to by the knowledge that everyone wishes to be special and so few people are, this desire has led me to look back at my own small set of experiences that have changed who I am with the most concentrated of gazes.

Further, by lacking obvious adversities, I have experienced ones that I feel are much more unique to me. Anybody can become sick with cancer, but it is my mind alone that causes me to find friends who have left me both incredibly ambitious and unabashed, and also self-deprecating and isolating. These experiences cause me to be a character that is not like your usual storybook hero. They make me into the hero of my own story, who has had to become that much stronger of a character since she has had no one to look to as a model for handling the adverse situations she faced. My lack of hardship in my life is my greatest blessing, in this respect – I am my own hero, and I have relied on no one to become so.

Adversity is unnecessary for personal growth, and although I don’t believe I am anybody truly special, I possess the albeit shaky confidence to assert that I am a person who has grown monumentally without the hardships imposed by the world, who is reflective by nature, and who is, if anyone can be, the proof that a life of ease can sometimes make one too reflective.

i speak of the ghosts of my past

Wed, 02 May 2012 16:55:37 -0400

but they aren’t dead; i never let them die.

courage.

Tue, 01 May 2012 18:11:52 -0400

telling my story. writing it down on paper. all the causes and effects are gonna be there to see; nothing more will be secret. the ending’s gonna be made up for now, but everything before now is gonna be true true true.

staring blankly at the page, searching for answers.

so this one time, i crashed wooster prom

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 15:39:53 -0400

1. with people being so sweet at these things, i actually felt sorta kinda pretty :)

2. i don’t miss wooster, but i do miss the people. i love how i assimilated back in so easily, almost too easily. i love that people gave me hugs and told me i looked nice. i loved that people danced, and danced with me. i love feeling confident there.

3. yet, i hate that so many people were so sad just under the surface. it reminds me why i hated it; how everything looks so pretty when you first see it, then you probe just a little bit and everything sucks. i want you guys to feel better.

4. it’s hilarious how five years ago, your words would have meant so much to me. now, i could care less about you. i finally see the truth in you; you’re nothing special. thanks for the kindness, though.

5. way to not acknowledge me, although it’s not like i expected different.

6. i adore you like you wouldn’t even believe. maybe even too much. i love too easily.

7. that hug at the end of the night.

II. you disappoint me, but i don't know why i expected anything different.

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 01:14:30 -0400

but here’s the funny thing: this time, i knew i was right, regardless of your position. i was frustrated, disillusioned, all those nice things, but i was also proud of myself deep down. this acceptance is a huge step for me; it’s a sign i really am growin into you. my own faith and confidence shocks me.